Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
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