You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
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we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
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So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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