i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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