I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize