dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
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We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
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McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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