we have pet lesbian snakes
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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