In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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