Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I had to cum in my sink.
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