and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
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Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
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Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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