ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i barfeds in our rink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The air was thick with penises
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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