i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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