we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
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Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
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So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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