I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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