apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
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