you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize