All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
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I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
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It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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