you traded sex for a burrito?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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