I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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