Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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