yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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