I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize