my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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