I love black thongs
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
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