I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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