you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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