I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
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My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
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My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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