tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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