i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize