I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize