so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
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Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
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I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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