Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize