nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
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So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
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When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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