I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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