last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
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They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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