the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
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Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
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I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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