Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
This is my life. Enjoy the view
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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