Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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