he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
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