So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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