you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize