You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
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My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
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She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
try to milk me bitch
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