he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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