he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize