Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
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I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
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she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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