i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Drunk is not a location!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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