The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
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He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
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Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We were destined to go to rehab together
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize