I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
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