I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Randomize