We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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