so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
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